Halloween Jokes
Everyone loves a good joke! Here are some Halloween jokes that will make you laugh your head off like a giggling zombie!
What sort of jokes to skeletons like?
Rib ticklers.
Why couldn't the ghost go on the bus?
He didn't have the correct chains.
What goes cackle, cackle, splat?
A witch flying into a lamppost.
What's creamy and chocolaty and can read the future?
Éclair-Voyant.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centres.
What's the most important programme on a witch's computer?
The spell checker.
What do you call an owl with a toupee?
Hedwig.
Why couldn't the witch fly on her broomstick for long distances?
She got broomsick.
Why did the Wizard get into the fridge?
He was in for a cold spell.
When do ghosts go to work?
Moandays to Frightdays.
What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?
Time to move to another house!
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on what you want them to change it into.
Which wizard never goes tot he barbers?
Hairy Potter.
How to ghosts start their cars?
With spook plugs.
What do you call a wizard with dandruff?
A blizzard.
Why couldn't the ghost get a drink in the pub?
They didn't serve spirits.
What kind of sorceress lives by the sea?
A sandwich.
What kind of sorceress lives by the sea but is afraid to go swimming?
A chicken sandwich.
What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's a witch's cooking pot called?
They are all 'called Ron'
What kind of witch speeds down the motorway at 100mph?
A road hag.
What are baby witches called?
Halloweenies.
What two items does a witch need for the perfect meal?
Hansel and griddle.
Why did the witches can always go to the wizard?
Because sorcerers are often filled with milk.
Why don't witches get angry when they are flying their broomstick?
Because they don't want to fly off the handle.
How can you make a tall witch short?
Borrow all of her money.
Why did the gravedigger steal knickers?
He wanted to be an undie-taker.
What did one grave stone say to the other gravestone?
"Don't take me for granite."
Why do ghosts only eat organic food?
Because it's super natural.
How can you make a witch scratch?
Take away the 'W'
What do you call a maggot-ridden corpse with nothing to do?
Bored stiff.
Why did the woman spend day and night casting spells?
She wanted to get witch quick.
What does a witch use to fasten her doors?
Warlocks.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
How to ghosts like their eggs?
Terrifried.
What do you get if you cross a ghost and an owl?
Something that goes around scaring people but doesn't give a hoot.
What are ghosts no good at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them.
What kinds of ghosts haunt hospitals?
Surgical spirits.
What has 6 legs and flies?
A witch and her cat on a broomstick.
What does a cannibal get if he comes home late for dinner?
The cold-shoulder.
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
Because they don't have any organs.
Did you hear about the cannibal why passed his friend on the high street?
He was finned £100 for fouling the pavement.
Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train?
They only operate a skeleton service.
Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
Because they're such a bunch of nobodies.
Why are cemeteries always such noisy places?
All the coffin.
Did you hear about the skeleton postman?
A dog ran off with some bones and he didn't have a leg to stand on.
What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist's bill?
He was repossessed.
What's the definition of a coffin?
A snuff box.
What space movie stars Count Dracula?
The Vampire Strikes Back.
Why wouldn't the skeleton do a bungee jump?
He didn't have the guts.
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed.
Why did the two Cyclopes get into a fight?
They couldn't see eye to eye.
Why does an imp get indigestion?
Goblin his food.
Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
He's a pain in the neck.
What should you do if you like Dracula?
Join his Fang Club
How does a vampire slayer make holy water?
They take some tap water and boil the hell out of it.
Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
What happened when the vampire bit a goose?
He felt down in the mouth.
Why do zombies love mazes?
All the dead ends.
Why are zombies always tired?
They are dead on their feet.
What do you call zombie telephones?
Dead ringers
What happened at the vampire race?
It finished neck and neck.
How do you know if a zombie has a glass eye?
It comes out in conversation.
What do you call an undead cow?
Zombeef.
What sorts of trees do you find zombies in?
Cemetrees
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get a head in life.
What do mummies pail their nails with?
Nile varnish
Where do werewolves live?
Werehouses
For what crime are ghosts most often sent to prison?
Booglary
Why to ghosts commonly haunt pubs?
Because they are full of boos.
Where does a ghost go on a Saturday night?
Anywhere he ca boo-gie.
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.